Well, here i am writing again.. i really dont know where to turn to anymore. internalizing everything is killing me and i really want to explode right now.
Well, right now i’m writing this, i just got news..my grandfather is diagnosed with myeloma fibrosis. Its a type of blood cancer that is so far untreatable and the average life expectancy for it is 5yrs! :( only 5 years:( the more i read about it, the more worried i get and the more useless i feel:( i understand majority of the medical terms when i read the papers on it but i cant find a possible cure so far. i feel like crying,like breaking down,like throwing everything away to be by his side but i cant.i know that is not what he would want me to do.
God, why? why do you put him through all this? i’ve already lost 1 grandfather and i will regret for the rest of my life not being able to spend more time with him. i dont want to lose another so soon. God please help me. please. i beg of you. not for me, but for the rest of my family. my brothers,my cousins,all the people who havent spent enough time with him and most importantly my mum. i cant stand the sight of my mum being sad. i cant look my mum in the eye and see that shes about the burst into tears.i cant.i dont want to.
i’m speechless.i’m torn.i need to just stop time.i need time.i need power.i need God right now.