Look behind the past and infront of the future

well,its the start of Os today!english paper 1 and 2 so what am i doing still blogging?well,this is gonna be my last post for awhile…till after Os.yesterday was FUN.instead of going out,we celebrated mums birthday at home.my dad odered pizza and gramma brought murtabak to me house!!yay!bought BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE from secret recepie for me mama.cost like what $51++?oh no.my savings.well,she’s me mama.she’s worth all my money and sooo much more.love ya!i’ll upload pics next time.

can’t believe Os are starting,i guess i’m like super NOT prepared for NEXT week.humans+all sciences.i’ll pray.i HAVE to do well.please.i’m gonna do my best like i’ve never done before:)

ok,i have nothing to write anymore.to those taking Os, GOOD LUCK!lets not waste 10 freaking years of studying yea?10 years for 3 weeks of exams?what a waste.but well,thats that huh.Good luck all,and we’ll party and enjoy like there’s no tommorrow on the 13th Nov!!

syg,good luck to you.i always thought you’d at least tell me good luck.oh well.what can i expect huh?maybe its really time for me to think about the future and not about what i should be doing now.that can wait 3 weeks.if you’re not talking to me in 3 weeks time,i’ll think about it.for now.GOOD LUCK.i know you can do it.i miss you syg

look up and pray
pray that everything’s gonna be okay
cause we’ve all worked hard
and after this we’re gonna play hard
10 years ain’t an easy feat
so now,just go and do it.

love ya’ll!i’ll be back on the 13th for FREEDOM!!!!!
yumni:)smiling cause nothing has sunk in yet:)

18 MORE DAYS to the end of O-levels!!!-13th November!!!!

hey people,its almost Olevels ready and i’m surprisingly calm.i’ll freak out on Sunday definately.well,its finally here and i can’t wait for it to be OVER!there’s soooooo much i wanna do!i’ll post it when i have time cause my list is like SUPER long!we HAVE to figure out what to do on 13th Nov!!paper ends at 9am??!!like nothing will be open by that time.so how???????????i’m sooo excited for after Os!(cycling,Picnic!,RCYC gathering???ULP gathering??RCY outing???most importantly,SHOPPING!) oh and my holidays been confirmed,8thDec to 18th Dec, Kashmir India!

haha.ok.andandand!!

ok.but before all this is major mugging!i wil continue.cause SUNDAY is relax day to celebrate my mum’s birthday(26th Oct,Monday) but since monday is Olevels and i can’t go out,we’re celebrating on SUNDAY!!!yay!!

i promised i wouldn’t let it bother me anymore.but sometimes,it just hits me.i’m waiting for the day Os end.whats gonna happen.the date it fixed,decided,our fate is sealed.13th November 2009.tell me whats on your mind?

waiting for another day,
waiting for some other way,
waiting for the sky to fall,
waiting for you to call,
waiting to smile,
waiting to find it all worthwhile,
waiting for tommorrow.

bye peeps!
yumni:)smiling cause there’s hope in the future:)

3 More Days to O-levels!(26th Oct 2009)
21 More Days to END of O-levels!!!!!(13th November 20099!!!!!)

ok,was supposed to post this yesterday but my internet died and everything went ‘poof’!ok,yesterday was such an uneventful day.UNEVENTFUL.although i did finish physics and SS(i guess).consultations today!yeayeayea.ok.

i’ve decided that right after Os i’m gonna tell my parents bout my dreams to go to poly instead of jc.i know its gonna be difficult but i really want to do this.its not about anyone cause i doubt anyone from my class wants to go to poly(ecxcept debra) and its not for anyone.its for myself.i really want to do this.i’ve been thinking bout it since the beginning of the year andam i really willing to sacrifice my happiness just to do something that i am not destined to succeed?no.please God,give me the courage to tell my parents.give them the understanding and let them see the passion and how much i really want this.please.

ok,as i was gona post yesterday,i’m gonna make 2 lists today.
1:to what i have left to complete before Os(complete with details and all)
2:to what i wanna do after Os!(complete with peoples names and places and all)
its one stressful and one fun so it should balance out right?i really hope so.

anyways,i’m off to get ready for school!i’ll blog again later.

cya!yumni:)smiling cause hopefully there’s a better day ahead.

5 more days to O-LEVELS!!!-26th Oct 2009
23 more days to END of O-LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!-13th Nov 2009

my twitter is in a coma.when does it wake up?

yay!yumni’s back.its great to be back home where the weather is alot cooler and i have more clothes to change into.malaysia was fine but it was sooo HOT.and i just felt super lazy.only did an emath and bio paper there.holidays are meant to relax right?NOT when Os are in 1 weeks time.well,enough of a break.time to major mug.

ok,i really don’t have much to say about anything.saw this super nice dress in malaysia that was like RM39??thats what $15???but me mama said that the material wasn’t good and since we were rushing i didn’t have time to buy it:(BUT me mama said that she’ll buy it for me after Os if i still want it!YESYESYES!!!!my legs a whole lot better now.from tmr onwards i dont need to wear the bandage.ok.seriously.major MUGGING.NOW.1 more week left.

ok,some things to say,what i said on my Oct 14th post was what i thought,summarized.if you want to know the whole story,then ask me.don’t go around spreading to other people when you don’t know the real story behind it.got it?also,so what if not the WHOLE world reads my blog.hello,i DON’T want the whole world to read it.its my thoughts.i don’t force you to read it unless there’s something important on it for you to read.i don’t show off what i have because i don’t want to.i’m not like you.not the whole world’s like you.got it?so its not because i don’t have people to read my blog or cause i don’t have stuff to show off.SOME of us are alot more down to earth and simple.not a stuckup showoffy bitch.yea?

ohh.before i forget.HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY TO SITI!!hope you had a wonderful birthday and i’ll always be there for you yea?i’m just a lift ride or a call away.thankyou for accompanying me and letting me share my thoughts and feelings with you.i’ll really miss you when i leave fairfield and you shift away.remember to keep in touch yea?smile always cause you’ll be able to achieve great things:)

there are a million questions,
there are a million answers
there are a million words
there are a million ways to say it
but all i want to hear are the 3 words so loosely used.
I LOVE YOU.

yumni:)smiling cause its the new beginning.

Thanks to shafiq and the rest for the famous amos cookies!!!!:)

well,i’m back!where have i been?i’ll say l8r.its been 3 days since i posted but can’t really remember what i did though.nvm..
well,on THURSDAY mugged as usual,then went cycling with shafiq again.then,i saw the cat almost get banged by the car!omg i was damn shocked that i didn’t realise the hugeass crack in the road and my bike swerved,i fell,twisted my ankle and couldn’t walk.omg.shafiq was sooo nice to walk me back to my house slowly.he attempted to piggyback me but he gt tired after awhile and i felt bad so we walked like supersuper slowly.left our bikes there obviously.shafiq sent me home and went back to get my bike.thankyou sooo much i owe you alot:) ok,iced my ankle and then the nest day,FRIDAY it started swelling even more,my dad brought me to hospital to see my doc.and they iced my leg.LUCKY no operation,cause it was too soon.but there’s super lot of painkillers.stayed at hospital and got discharged on SATURDAY morning.now,i can walk properly!painkillers work like magic.ok,i’ll promise to be careful from now on.

ok,1stly,HAPPY BIRTHDAY to CHRIS.you gay boy.so sorry i couldn’t have dinner with you ppl.

anyways,i’m leaving for johor tmr morning to celebrate gramma’s birthday!yay.and shopping!daddy promised me.and more food.i’m growing FAT:(haha.nvm i’ll excercise after Os.shopping everyday!!!first i need to save money.
CURRENT SAVINGS:$120 (i need min $400 for after Os!!):D

ok,i guess that’s it.i’m going to sleep.i’ll be back on Monday with pictures!and hopefully i can cycle with shafiq again!!!!:)oh,should i get a new laptop?or shoes,clothes and bags???

i’m not gonna cry anymore cause i’ve let you go.sitting there in the hospital made me realise who really cared for me.i can’t hold on anymore cause it hurts too much.and letting go isn’t any less painful.but i have to try.i’ve made it clear to you from the beginning.once you hurt me,there’s no 2nd chance unless you prove that your worthy.i’ve prayed and cried all i can,so now i’m letting you go.i sit here tonight by the window,looking into the stars and kissing goodbye to my memories of you.i cry all i can,but i can’t cry no more.i deserve to be happy.i want to be happy.now i’m moving on,with my head held high and the hopes of everyone on my shoulders.i would sacrifice my LIFE to make my loved ones proud.and if that means letting you go.i am willing to.so now i look to my future,to the thousands of joys and pain it holds and if it so happens that our paths cross again,then i’ll be more than happy to be there for you as a friend.goodbye.

have you ever wondered if there would come a time when everything ends,
when everything comes to a stop
when all your mistakes are final
where all your dreams come to an end,
a time where there are no second chances,
no take-backs,no i’m sorry,
no restarts,no nothing.

ciao ppl.cya’ll when i return!happy mugging:)
maybe this malaysia trip has come at the right time.time for a new beginning.

yumni:)smiling cause she has to:)

9 MORE DAYS TO O-LEVELS!!!-26th OCT 2009
27 More days to end of O-levels=FREEDOM!!-13th Nov 2009

well,study break day 3,i went to school!!had consultation after consultation.(chem,bio,physics,amath,history!)yay!productiveness!!studying with SOMEONE got cancelled:(so nvm.decided to head home since it was gonna rain..planned to cycle with shafiq today but since it rained i thought cancelled.BUT…shafiq came to my house!!!!yay!he attempted to teach me chem but….(haha.only shafiq knows what i mean huh?)then i stopped cause he got really bored and rain didn’t stop so i had a LONG and HEART to HEART chat with him.its so nice to finally have found someone who understood me yea?lets not let this friendship go away.thanks shafiq!well,we talked and i almost cried.its nice to for once let go of everything you keep inside instead of just pilling it up.i finally understand what MR CHRISTOPHER was telling me.

some things i need to get out:
1)there is a difference between friendship and being nice.i am generally NICE to people but that doesn’t mean you’re my friend.i treat my friends way better than being NICE.so,what gives you the right to say who i should and shouldn’t be friends with?stop being a bitch.just because i have friends that you SO desperately want to know doesn’t mean i am a slut?hello.again, BIG difference between having FRIENDS and being a SLUT.

2)just because i don’t upload pictures with my friends here, doesn’t mean i’m ashamed to be friends with them because “my school people are all stuck up” hello,you don’t know anyone from my school.i betcha we are way way less stuck up than the way you choose your friends.DON’T EVER bitch about my friends.

3)brings me here.you can BITCH about me,you can say i’m a slut,you can say i’m whatever you want.i take it.cause you’re just jealous.and i know its not true so why should i get angry?but DON’T EVER and i repeat DON’T EVER BITCH about my FRIENDS may it be friends from school or outside.you don’t judge them just because you think you know me.GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT before you say anything.and,just because i don’t confront you bout this doesn’t mean i don’t care,am a backstabber or i am a wuss.it just means that i rather not waste my effort on stupid people like you.push me to the limit and YOU will,i promise you,you will REGRET it.

4)just cause i don’t mention my BF’s name or i don’t put pictures or i don’t give every single detail of our days out doesn’t mean anything.what goes on between me and him is OUR business.unless me or him asks you,or you know me personally,just BUTT out.this is the reason why i privated my blog in the 1st place by due to MR CHRISTOPHER and my psychologist appts,i have to unprivate it.

ok,i’m done for now.and yes,all 4 points are about the same GROUP of people.you wanna slam me FINE.don’t ever slam people i know without any evidence yea?say it to my face and then i will say you have guts.if not you’re just cowards hiding behind you’re screen.think i’m afraid of you just cause you have you MAT and MINAH gang,think again.remember,if you play with fire,you just get burned.

well,ciao people.yumni’s off to study summore.i’ll be back.cycling tmr with shafiq if it doesn’t rain!!!please….

syg,yes i miss you.and you’re the only person i would want to talk about all these to.but no guy can ever take away my happiness.i deserve to be happy.i make my own happiness.you just either amplify it or minimize it.so,i’ll be here if you need me.but again for now,i deserve to be happy.goobye.till the time comes for us to reunite.i love you.

LOVE me and i’ll give you my heart,
be friends with me and i’ll be there for you.
SMILE to me and i’ll be nice to you
TALK to me and i will tell you
BITCH about me and you will get hell
BACKSTAB me and you’ll regret it.
i am who i am,you can’t change it.
so DEAL with it.

bye peeps:)yumni:)smiling cause there’s nothing left to be happy about:)

12 More days to O-Levels!-26th Oct 2009
cycling with shafiq tmr!!!!!!!:D

yumni’s awake and ready for school and study date!:)

i should really continue studying….ok,brain break no 1.

this woman just walked past my house corridor and chimes started ringing…sooo freakyyyy!!!!

well, its day 2 of study break!!!yeayeayea!day 1 was fruitful!i am happy:)lets recall what i did yesterday.
1)woke up at like what…7.30am??:)
2)started work and did 1 ss SBQ and SEQ
3)did an emath olevel paper 1
4)did 1 history SEQ and SBQ
5)wrote an eng compo
6)i exercised!!!!on the electronic machine bicycle at my house!!!woohoo

ohh yea.my mum found this yoga dvd thing and i’m gonna attempt to do yoga every morning!!!yeayeayea..ok staying at home alone and studying has made me even more wierd and the scariness of my house doesn’t help.hello,an old woman walked past my house corridor and chimes started playing.freeaaakkkyyyy.

ok.i’m going cycling with shafiq later so i’m gonna have to do lotsa work before 4pm yea?then i have a study date tmr(if it happens) at jurong east library plus consultations in school tmr morning.ok.its a busy day tmr BUT i am going to malaysia on SUNDAY!!!which means i can buy stuff!!!!!!!!!woohoo.fruitfullness continues!:)

syg,i’m gonna put you out of my mind for now.there’s a reason all of this happens and only God knows the reason for it.i believe that God will do whats best for me, for us.maybe whats happening is good cause it gives me time to think and really study.well, i wish you all the best.i will msg you gd luck when its Os.but for now,i its goodbye.till after Os,i love you syg.i miss you.

looking back,
wishing you were here
but now i see that maybe this is real
maybe this is meant to be
this can all be an illusion or
this can all be for real
only time will tell.
but for now,my hearts sealed close
with you inside,and i’m never letting you go.
only time will tell the strength of our love,
so lets see together how strong it really is.
Goodbye for now.

ok.bye people!

yumni:)smiling so the world wont know whats inside.

its scary how early i can wake up without an alarm.

well,schools officially over and its officially 2 weeks more to the start of Os.joy..its study break now so i really am going to study.ok,my plans:
1)SLEEP from 11pm to 7am EVERYDAY.regular sleep means i will be less tired right??
2)STUDY at lest 2 subjects a DAY.then i’ll be able to finish right??
3)get everything marked and ready before Os.
4)buy NEW stationary for Os!!!
5)SAVE SAVE SAVE money for after Os!
6)STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!!!!!!!!
7)oh ya,EAT regular meals so i am not hungry like 24hours a day.
8)i am going to cycle to excercise at least 3 times a week!so that i dont grow FAT and i can buy nice NEW clothes after Os!!!!!!!!

ok.thats it for now.

syg,i give up.i can’t do this anymore.i love you but i can’t continue this way.yes,i’m an insecure person.yes,i need you to be there for me and yes i really do miss you.you’ve made me admit to it.now are you happy??No cause you don’t even know how sad i am right now.and really,do you even care??

there’s no use smiling when i want to cry
there’s no use saying that i’m happy went i am not
there’s no use saying i’m ok when i’m crumbling inside
there’s no use being happy when your not here
there’s no use looking forward when i want to look back
there’s no use walking away when all i want is to run towards you
there’s no use doing anything when your not here to guide me.

i can say i’m ok,i can pretend i’ll be fine.i can tell you that i’ll smile,i can say that its just another day.but deep inside,i’m crumbling,bit by bit.

yumni.i miss you:(

time to study!!14 more days to O-levels-26th Oct 2009

i really enjoyed today.its damn sad that we are actually leaving the school.after,what, 10 years of fairfield education,its gonna be really different.4Ehas made my day and life.I’LL PROMISE TO MENTION YOU GUYS IN MY EXCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR PRESIDENCY(haha.remember??!)its been fun doing all the nonsense together(free periods playing taiti,etc.,MS MANO class,bringing the sofa down,history lessons,etcetcetc.)my sec3 and 4 year would never be the same without you guys!!you make me who i am.thankyou.all the best for everything!remember!!!!ms ongs to be wedding and our class outing bus ride to penang better happen!!!!!!MS ONG GET MARRIED SOON!!!!!ok,here are some people that reallyreally made my life in fairfield memorable(of course there’s alot more!!here’s just part 1):)

My CLIQUE people!i love you girls!(from right:hui min(HWEE MEAN),celeste,val ong,madeline,abijoy,ME!,junyi,abisia)

class Red Cross people.only God knows what sheat we’ve gone through but i’m glad that i have you guys to go through it with me.loves(from right:siying,ME!,junyi)

Free period people!(before june MT Os)you guys made me play taiti again after sooo long!!and our free periods getting to know each other and gossiping about people was super fun.cards confiscated,magic tricks and other stuff.i’ll remember you guys!!(from right:abisia,celeste,ME!,debra,govind)

4E historians!you guys are really amazing.its amazing how we all can bond together and OWN all the geographers!!!and also OWN-ing MR TAN,our ‘beloved’ teacher.remember the history picnic in the middle of the field while everyone was running 2.4km?gd luck!(from left:siying,abijoy,rachel,mrtan,madeline,cleo,nadelyn,huimin,andrew,abisia,jia sen,wesley,ME!,valchan,cherise,rena)

FAIRFIELD RED CROSS YOUTH EXCO 2008/2009.remember all the sheat that we had to go through together?remember all the sleepless nights,the days in the Red Cross room,the CAMPS.eventhough it was sheat,we survived!i’ll remember you guys forever!!!!!(from right:siying,dian,ME!,savona,junyi)

ok,thats it for now.photos will be uploaded on facebook yea?

syg,as i look to the stars tonight i wonder just how much i really mean to you.how much i gave it my all.how much i really wanted to be happy.thankyou for everything.i just hope this is another test.this time,i hope we can stand the test of time.God knows what he’s doing.i miss you.

if the end came,
would you smile as you remember the good times,
would you cry as you imagine what is gone,
would you laugh as you recall the jokes we shared,
would you close your eyes and imagine it all again,
would you open your heart and let it all in,
would you wish for it all to happen again
would you hold the things i gave you,
would you look at our picture,
would you feel the hugs and kisses,
would you countdown the misses,
would you hold on and never let go,
would you love me as i love you so.
would you?

okay,thats it for today.thankyou all for everything.i’ll miss you guys.gd luck!

smile yumni:)

17 MORE days to O-levels!-26th oct 2009

bring class tee tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!nightnight:)

well,its the 2nd last day of school officially.i’m kind off sad that i’m leaving the school,but i’m even sadder about what i see these past few days.its amazing how when you just shutup and observe,you see so much.its amazing how people change and how people act towards others.its amazing how much one little person can influence a whole other group and its amazing how different people can be.well,its just my observations(not meant specifically for anyone unless you feel guilty yea?)

tommorrow is our last day in FAIRFIELD forever,besides Os and consultations..but i can’t deny that i’ll really miss it.everything about it.not just the school but the people INSIDE the school.i love all of you.i’ll write more when i am in a better mood and i have more time yea?tommorrow is really a test of how bonded our class has become.
1stly:is everyone gonna wear the class shirt?
2ndly:are we gonna spend our last moments having fun?or are we gonna MUG and STUDY like we do every single day?
3rdly:lunch at fusion??
4thly:our class spirit,bonding and everything will be put to the test.
i can’t deny that 4E’2009 has surprised and amazed me alot to what they can do and thats why i love it.its so unexpected.but sometimes,it can be a total let down.we’ll see…

syg,where are you?its been the longest time.i miss you.there are so many things i want to ask you.so many thoughts i want to share with you.so many promises that we havent fulfilled together.your the only one i want to share these with.not my bestie,not my friends,not anyone.only YOU.you don’t know how much i’ve cried,you don’t know what i’m going through right now.i need you the most right now before i do something i’ll regret.i love you syg.

have you ever felt like screaming all your frustrations away?
looking up to the sky and saying goodbye to everything that worries you?
playing an emo song hoping to drown out all your tears?
crying your lungs out wishing you’d feel better after that?
smiling on the outside and wishing that you can smile on the inside too?
wanting to look forward but all you can is wonder why it happened?
letting go when all you want to do is hold on?
saying its ok and hoping that it really will be?
try so hard to be perfect when everything just makes you imperfect?
loving someone but yet knowing that he might love another?
then smile cause the world will be brighter.
don’t let go of your hope cause you will be stronger.
pray,cause God give’s you strength.
give cause then you will receive.
love and you will be loved,cry and i’ll cry along with you.
never give up,never lose hope cause its when things are down that you begin to realise things you have never seen or thought of before.

there’s a million questions running through my mind,just like the millions of tears i shed for you tonight boy.

yumni smile:)cause tommorrow is another day:)smile cause tommorrow is picture day:)smile cause tommorrow is the last day:)smile cause there’s no more tears to shed.

18 more days to O-LEVELS!!!!-26th Oct 2009

well,i haven’t been very happy the past few days.only God knows why.and He’ll answer my prayers and help me get out of this mess.i can’t deal with this right now.

schools been like school.i don’t really have much to say about it anymore.well,my secondary school journeys ending this friday.so byebye secondary school life.hello,uncertainty…

have you ever felt so helpless,so unable to do something that you so badly want to.so unreachable.listening to the world go by you and you don’t understand anything.listening to the cars vroom by and the mrt trains passing but nothing is going on.feeling like your all alone in this huge empty world.like your screaming but nothing comes out and your lungs are about to burst.like your falling endlessly and there’s no one to catch you.like songs that play on endlessly but there’s no meaning to it?

there is some person at the other block who plays IRRITATING songs like damn loudly!(well,some were’nt bad,but i’m studying.hellooooooooo!!!!)
songlist of mr IRRITATING SONGS:(on repeat)
-That’s not my name:the tingtings
-Poker Face:Lady Gaga
-Beautiful girls:Sean Kingston
-Just Dance:Lady gaga
-Get Back:Demi Lovato
-some very screamy song

syg,where are you?talk to me.please.

“the world keeps spinning forward but i’m still stuck back in the past.”

yumni:(

whats life without comfort food!!