Look behind the past and infront of the future

okayyy..my comp has been kookoo lately so everytime i tried to post something,it hangs(hopefully this post will get through:))okkkkaaayyyy…

hmmm..weekends were pretty family oriented so nth to say.today is MONDAY!and i have school:(:(:(while everyone else is away on holiday.my younger bro has no sch,my older bro is away at camp,my mum has no work due to sch hols and my dad had every monday holiday.sooo i’m the ONLY one with school!!!!:(but its okay.i’ll be happy and they’ll suffer later.muahahahha.ok evil.

i’m sick of pretending to be happy when i’m not.i have sooo much on my mind.i am sooo confused and i still have to pretend i’m happy.i’m sick of the pretense.i need to show my true feelings but i know i cant.i’ll just depress the whole world along.wtf.why cant i be happy.FML.

yumni:)i need motivation.i need you A.

well, havent had a proper update in quite a while.sooooo,this week was FULL of tests and i mean full.felt that i screwed them all up but nvm.i’m gonna SUPER buck up for common tests and BLOW everyone away.i hope.i pray.KAYYIN’s birthday celeb was FUN:)rush to island creamery to collect his cake,off to buy his,CAKE SMASHING cake,cold storage for candles and lighter then cabbed back to sch to spray WHIP cream on his ‘FAKE CAKE’.SUCCESS:)cake brilliantly smashed onto his face:)KAYYIN thanks for being sucha good sport:)chatted with Satish,Kaifeng,Weiler,Marcus and Kayyin after that.the rest went for dinner at alumni clubhouse.mabel and Irfan we’re studying behind us.chatted bout relationships….then went home with marcus and satish:)nth much else happened.testestestestest.

THURS:)test OVER:)stayed waited for Govind to finish sch.1st with HuiZhen,Kaifeng and Yisiang at Atrium then hungry so went makan place and surfed youtube with Hon Shun and Kayyin.Govind came.they left.Huizhen ate with her friends and i played Chess with govind.GOVIND I PWNED YOU IN CHESSS!!!hahah.left for Abi Sia’s farewell thing.really gonna miss her when she leaves for NZ:(keep in touch:)got to catch up with JUNNY and the AC ppl.i miss them soooo much:)left early home.

today went to gramma house to eat lunch:)back home after Friday prayers and then off.HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHMAD.doubt you will ever read this but if you do,i wanna wish you all the best in everything you do.if you ever need anyone to talk to i’m here for you always.HUI ZHEN,i’ll msg you ASAP when i’m back tmr!!!i promise.so sorry.hope your okay.

A,i never expected you to reply when i msg you.i never did.but you did.hope you treat me as a friend.it’ll be great if i can talk to you again.i miss talking to you.i remember all the good times we had.i forgive you for everything else.i dont know what to do.i’ve never had problems like this with anyone before.i’m so confused now.please help me.GOD,help me.i still have feelings for you.
Zal,i’m sorry for everything i’ve done to you.you ,may not know it but i’ve done soo much wrong to you.i’m so so sorry.please forgive me just like i’ve forgiven you.i cant let you go.neither can i let him go.understand this.i’m trying my best.i just need your support now.thank you.

yumni:)are things beginning to look up finally??

okay.today was a relatively mundane day.(see i used a NEW word!)yesterday was hectic,today was quiet.stayed at home and attempted to study.finished my MICROBIO notes:)read up on Physio did Physio project with mama(huizhen) and finished up my maths.imma sad little girl.tmr there’s school:(oh yea!!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZANE AND KAY YIN!!!love you guys:)

i’m glad to know that i’ll always have people by my side.cheering me on,telling me they love me and making everything alright again:)Zal,i’m sorry for not picking up and replying.i just have to do this right now.i have to figure things out.give me a few days and i promise i’ll come back.just set me free for once and i’ll return.i just need to know i’m making the right decision.i love you:)

yumni:)the birds have gone to bed and so shall i.

well,been busy with school and life.suckssss.but hey thats life.went cycling with shafiq today morn:)then it started raining.Breakfast with Rizal dear.things got horribly wrong and i went home disappointed with myself.momma made PIZZA for lunch:)went out to grab something to eat after.then went to gramma house.on the way saw Tong Hann,Alison,Cel,Abi Chew and some other ppl!my car drove past them.hahha.cool.msged tong hann and found out that ABI SIA is leaving spore for NZ!!!!nooooooooo!!!i’ll diedie try to make it for thurs BBQ k??i miss you guys sooo much!!!!!!after gramma house went to other gramma house and then back home.trying to study microbio but FAIL.i have NO motivation tonight:(

i cant believe it.what pylios said on friday really happened.when the time came for me to say it i just couldn’t.it felt wrong.this is the first time i ever felt this way.my heart was set,i convinced myself but i just couldn’t do it.something was wrong.we were actually happy.we were actually having fun.i was actually seeing a side of our relationship that i thought was lost forever.and now im confused.i’m superduper extremely confused.what to do now?i love you and now,i dont think i can let go.

yumni is confused as a rabbit digging a hole under a great big yellow tree:(

havent been tumblr-ing for a long time.wouldn’t be tumblr-ing for quite some time.tests this wk and next wk.
THIS week:Microbio quiz and IPC test
NEXT week:Physio test,Microbio Test,Maths Test
NEXT NEXT NEXT week:COMMON TEST WEEK!!!!!!

yumni:)